AWKWARD.

I woke up this [afternoon] and literally spent the entire day watching TV, which is a welcomed change considering I've lately been spending all of my precious time on an internet networking site, better known to the rest of the world as Facebook. I got locked into this show on MTV, Awkward. That's literally the title of the show. I first got intrigued by it just because it was your average teenage drama show.  Who doesn't like re-visiting those glorious high school days? But then, I got really into it. It was a little scary because it was almost like I was looking at a show about myself.  I saw myself in the main character almost to a tee. I know, pathetic! Me, A college sophomore. I was able to relate to a fictional high school student? I really need a to get a life.

The more I watched the show, the more I not only got hooked into the story line, but my mind started to wonder. I began to recall and even [silently] reminisce on past memories, dating back to my freshman year of high school. Most of those memories were not exactly something I wished to dwell on. I suddenly remembered why I hated my high school experience. I was the text book example of what not to do in high school.  Actually, no. To rephrase-- I was the text book example of how not to get a guy in high school. RIDICULOUS. I had such low self-esteem, it was sad. Then my mind fast forward to my freshman year of college, also known as last year, where my self-esteem rose a little. Those memories were followed by many smiles and  a few giggles, however some of them were followed by frowns, eye rolls, and scoffs.

As you can imagine, that trip down memory lane was relatively short. My mind revolted back to my previous thoughts, regarding a certain someone(s). On the one hand there's this one guy who in almost every way might have been perfect, whatever 'perfect' was. At lease, it seemed that way. However, 'high school Jessica' stepped in and ruined everything. In the midst of trying to put the whole thing behind me and start fresh, I meet another guy. He might have been just about perfect as well. He reminded me of the first guy in many of ways. Luckily for me, this guy wasn't perfect, he had one flaw. Flaw in the sense of the word that for me, it'd never happen. Not in the sense that there was something wrong with him. So, I'm left again. Alone. To wallow in my self pity, alone to think. It's so dangerous to be left alone with your thoughts.

You know that saying about following your heart but listening to your mind? Or something along those lines. I'm not sure of the exact words but I'm pretty sure it goes something like, "Yada, yada, yada. Love never fails. Follow your heart. Be wise. Etc, etc, etc." A lesson we all must learn. As of now, I'm just trapped in the now. How I wish I could escape just for a little while. Although, I came very close to doing so while watching that show.  Being in college, I've definitely suffered from thinking I was invincible. That I was on top of the world.  Those thoughts were followed by drunken nights, in which I did something I'd later regret--that is if I could remember what I did. It's nothing but a dream, being on campus. Being at home for break, I've definitely woken up. You know that feeling you get after awaking from what could have been an awesome dream? Oh, how I wish I could go back to sleep (literally).