Someone Like You

You know that song by Adele? The one she won a ton a Grammy's for? I found myself listening to that song the other day and I realized that it practically describes my mental state at the moment. Upon returning from Colorado, I had a sheer peace and bliss within myself because I had tricked myself into thinking that everything was going to change. That everything was going to be okay. Sure I continued to catch shit about my trip from any and everybody but I had inner peace. School was back on track and "he" didn't hate me. At least that is what I thought.

Two weeks after the trip, I was hit with the bitterness that is betrayal. He had proceeded to defriend me on the social media network better known as Facebook. Imagine my reaction to discovering so. I'm not sure if I can quite explain exactly how it felt to but I can most closely relate it to having a double bladed sword shoved into my heart and rotated toward my lungs. I was pretty heart-broken. I went from being in a state shock to being pissed off, to being sad to being just plain depressed. The whole ordeal made no sense to me. How could he have done such a grand gesture for me and then turn around and do this. I sat there for a good twenty minutes or so racking my brain as to what could have happened to cause this and I found nothing.

Then I thought, maybe he knew my "story" was a lie? Maybe he knew all along. The day I saw him at the transfer center and he rescued me from essentially being stranded in Vail, it wasn't as simple as I might have led on. He questioned me. Not only that but he was very suspicious of my answers. I didn't think anything of it then because soon after his interrogation he proceed to offer me more money for food followed by a short but sweet update on each other's lives. Then, with a smile, he left. I'm thinking everything is cool only to be hit with the bitterness that is this-- it wasn't cool. The whole ordeal continues to shock me. I guess I'd like to believe that he and I were close but apparently I was wrong.

Old friend, why are you so shy?

Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited

But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it

I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded

That for me, it isn't over

Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you, too

Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said

Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead

If there was ever a song to explain things better than I can it's this one. I think I might have been hurt by this whole ordeal more than I was last summer. Then I thought to myself, it has to end. Finally after a week and a half of sulking and crying, I made a decision to pay him back on my next pay check and write him a farewell letter. There was no way he'd give me his address so I emailed his best friend also one of my friends and asked him if I could send it to him and he could send it to him for me. He agreed to do so. So I got the money together and I wrote the letter. It was just one page but my god while I was writing it the water works were insane. I cried so much I had to re-write the letter because it was wet. I mailed the letter last week and for the first time since being back from Colorado, I haven't shed a tear.

Though my mind can't help but wonder what will come of that letter. It'd be nice for him to write back but I know he won't. So I guess in the end I got what I wanted. Closure.