Our Lady's Son

I officially received a message from my friend saying that he successfully received the package containing the letter and money for "him." I believe my heart stopped and I lost a breath when I read it. I suppose this means it's just a matter of time before "he" receives the actual letter and does God-knows what with it. How much would I love to believe that he'll read the letter and write one heart-felt letter back. But that's just my imagination once again running away with me. Indeed, I'm hoping for the best but expecting  the worse.

This [afternoon] I woke up with Mumford and Son's "After The Storm" on my mind. I had spent the entire night watching the one and only Private Practice so naturally I was in a crying mood. Yet I didn't shed a tear. I may have got watery eyes at the plot line for the show but no tear fell from my eye. Then I started to think of that "internship experience." Mine self being chosen from a plethora of applicants to study music composition in a different state for the summer. Sounds like a bit much? It is.

To make the experience better, this piece of mine that would be performed. Not just by anyone--HE would be the one to perform it. Why? Because only "he" can pull it off. I wrote the piece. Anytime I hear the original piece which I got the inspiration to write this piece for. I usually break out in tears. Yet I listened to it over and over again just the other day and not one tear  fell from my eyes. The pain is still there, but I feel like my tear ducts are just dry. Before I didn't want to cry and now that I want to, I can't. I just feel numb to everything. I guess this is what it feels like to move on.

With school starting in the next week or so, I can't help but wonder what the school year will bring. If I haven't already mentioned, I'm able to go back to Saint Mary's--on one of two gut-wrenching conditions. I told myself I'd do whatever they wanted me to just so I got to go back. Well here we are days away from school and I'm already breaking rules. Band. Marching band wasn't part of the plan. Yet band camp starts next thursday. What am I doing? I have no clue anymore. I'm starting to regret my decision to fight to get back into SMC. Maybe I should have just bowed out gracefully and enrolled in Holy Cross College next door. Life doesn't fit into a neat plan and at this point it doesn't have to. I'm slowly starting to realize that.