My Friend

This will be short and sweet. One of my really good friends (a possibility... we'll keep that between you and me) was on the Harvest Show this morning telling us about his medical experiences while experiencing multiple strokes last year and how it has impacted his faith. I remember the event like it was yesterday though it had temporary left my memory. It was a traumatic experience for me so I can't even imagine how it was for him.

The interview was this morning at 9. Now we all know that I was not up and functioning at 9 so here is the link from the interview. http://www.harvest-tv.com/video/dsp_playshow.cfm?showid=1285

Enjoy. I myself found pleasure in watching the video. 

Now, a few random thoughts for you this afternoon. Since I've sent the letter, I haven't shed a tear. I keep thinking about that piece I wrote and the would be performance experience I would have for the piece. But then reality sets in. I used to hate reality. It's the reason why I always find myself fantasizing about what could be. However, in the past, all that seems to do is get me in trouble especially when I confuse a fantasy with reality. I now force myself to live in reality. Am I happier that way? Of course not. But if the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem, then the second step must be taking action to fix that problem. This is the second step. 

I feel, ok. I don't feel great but I'm also no longer depressed. Just ok. I guess that means I'm finally letting go and moving on. It's amazing what a letter can do for you. I think it was the courage to sending the letter rather just writing it. I can bare to think of what will happen should "He" actually read the letter. Probably nothing. I'd love to believe  that he'll write back and we'll finally all of this crap behind us and be friends again, but the truth of the matter is that'll probably never happen. That used to scare me... "Never" but now, there is something oddly comforting in knowing the truth and being able to express that truth no matter how bad. Certain things I was never able to say before now, I can say it. It'll upset me and I'll want to scream or burn something... BUT I can say it. 

I guess I'm all grown up now. Or atlease I'm in the process of growing... baby steps.