Check-Up

I realize that this blog of mine has been slightly lonesome for the past three months. I apologize. Needless to say, I've got a lot to say. Quite frankly, I'm not even sure where to begin. My life has gone from being at an all time low, to okay, to actually good, and even lower than it was before. I always question whether to air my dirty laundry in this public blog. From cell phones to computers, anyone with a Google account can access this blog and read my most deep thoughts and my most personal confessions. Yet, there is something very therapeutic for me about blogging; and if in all my written despair I am able to help someone, then it's all worth it.

"It was the winter of my discontent..." I believe I read that in a book somewhere. Whatever the case may be, it more than thoroughly explains my winter and spring semester: sadness, depression, sheer discontent. I masked it with a smile and somehow made it through day by day, aching to grasp onto the life I had known for the past 2 1/2 years while being forced into the life that was previously mine. I had dealt with it all in high school, so why couldn't I do it now? It was rough. It'd been rough and it was then where I thought I had reach the end of the road, but NOTHING compares to the spring where I truly hit rock bottom.

The semester had been going as smooth as anyone could hope. From class, to rehearsal, then Lafortune, a bar or two, and back to "Lafun," I was finding ways to capture life on campus with friends and classmates and grasp it. My commuting life at home suffered because of it. It's very hard to go from having no rules, having no one to report to or explain yourself to, and being able to do whatever you want when you want, to back living at home having to abide by your parents (or in my case, grandparents) rules. It is an absolute nightmare for any college student, and I was living it.

Life at home suffered, life at work really suffered; yet all I wanted was to be on campus. I no longer felt at home anywhere else but campus and my extended family? Outsider is an understatement. I felt like I had to learn to fit in with my own family. Make no mistake, I love my family--all of them. And I will forever be eternally grateful for the tough, critical love shown to me by my grandparents, aunts, older siblings, and cousins--despite the unbelievable annoyance I felt every time I was down for lecturing. However, it was my friends--my TRUE friends--that got me through this semester. From going out with me, staying up with me on Facebook, letting me stay countless nights to the point where I was like a roommate, letting me vent; my true friends where there for me like nothing I had ever seen before. There's one, specifically, who became my rock though he may not have been ready for it.

For what I have to say, somehow, someway, I made it through this semester. I so long for summer! I need the chance to simply have fun without the  pressures of life overwhelming like they have the entire year. My friend told me that this was a defining semester for having gone through so many obstacles. We'll soon find out if he's right.