Insanity At It's Best

I can truly say that today has been an average day. After hours of waking up in panic out of fear of being late to work, officially I woke up, got ready, went to Radioshack for the umpteenth time only to hear the same bad news regarding my jagged phone, and headed to work. It was one of my good co-workers last day but it was so busy in the store as a whole, I didn't have time to care. It seemed as though not many people are sad that she is leaving. I, for one, wish I could do the same. Oh well. I couldn't shake thinking about another co-worker who I've admittedly had a crush pretty much since I, myself started working at the God-forsaken store. Although I'd love to believe that there is something there beyond the friendship we've developed over a mutual hatred for Martin's Supermarkets, there more than likely isn't. It's just my mind playing tricks on me once again.

In the meantime, I'm finding ways to stay busy so that I'm not constantly reminded of the mess I've gotten myself into this summer. It's always in the back of my mind, unfortunately, and I've faced reality that I may not be able to go back to Saint Mary's --at lease not this year. Imagine, this time last year I absolutely hated the school and now I hate the thought of not being able to go back. I can say that it's made me really stop and appreciate everything especially where God has brought me. Then I wonder if this all apart of some divine plan to get me to simply acknowledge God's presence and go to Him for help. Heaven only knows. I continue to be confused at religion despite the fact that I grew up in it. Yet, I must admit I find comfortable in being able to say that it's in God's hands right now. Boy, if this isn't rock bottom, I don't know what is. 

To quote Nicholas Sparks, "To temper the bitter sting of loneliness, there was [music]" I've pretty much turned all of my attentions to music, more specifically composition. I'm pretty sure there isn't anyone who can fully comprehend my obsession with music, though I do have friends who find it also to be a passion. Me, I speak fortissimo fluently. I've definitely been writing a lot of music in my spare time. I was very active in summer band which is now over. I suppose you could say it's all apart of my plan to learn brass well enough to join the ND Marching Band. I swear when it comes that little goal of mine, it's 1 step forward and 2 steps back every time. I'd forgotten what it was like to be a beginner because I haven't been one since I was 6. It's been rewarding yet EXTREMELY frustrating. I said it once and I'll say it again, I have a new found respect for brass players because it's not as easy as it looks! I, a violinist, am trying to learn a band instrument well enough to join not just any collegiate marching band, but the literally the best in the country. Yea, I've gone a little mad.