Looks and Self-Esteem

We had a journal in my 1st/2nd hour today, well actually it was a while ago but i just got my journal back today. the prompt was for us to write about something that we could change about ourself or improve about ourselves! I'm assuming she meant as far as school goes but i wrote what i really wanted to change about myself..MY LOOKS!!! I was being honest. I wrote that point blank i think i'm the ugliest person on the face of earth, probably uglier than Oprah without makeup! And its something that i really wanted to change about myself, but of course I can't unless i do something drastic like plastic surgery..HA--YEAH RIGHT! two things wrong with that:

1. Plastic surgeries always come out wrong and i'd would probably end up looking like who shot madea and forgot to bury her

2. I'm DIRT poor so even if i wanted to plastics surgery, I can't afford it!

So i guess i'm stuck like this for the rest of my life..OH JOY! But anywho, so i write this in my journal, dead serious need i remind you, and i turn it in not thinking that my teacher Mrs. Glaser would actually read it! I figure she would just go through and mark +5 like she always does. Go figure she read it and apparently she was appalled at what i wrote! She used a WHOLE page in my journal to comment my entry saying stuff like:

Jessica you are beautiful inside and out, you don't need a boy's approval on ur
looks for you to know that, God made you special the way u are and he doesn't
mistakes YADI YADI YADI

I'm thinking, oh great now my teacher thinks i'm some psychotic depressant. But of course she went on during class like everything was normal. There's this one song called, Imagine Me, by Kirk Franklin, I've always like that song because i thought i could always relate to it, u know, having low self-esteem about yourself and wanting to be better but not low self-esteem to the point where ur in depression. My aunt Lisa always said that the song reminded her of me, but not for the same reasons that i thought it reminded me of myself. She said she thought it reflected how i felt about the whole situation with my mother, whatever that means, i guess she meant that i will always be my mother's daughter but that doesn't mean i have to become her! WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MY LOOKS, right..well one thing's for sure; I'm not saying my mother is ugly because she not, though her choice of wardrobe could improve, ALOT. But the way she has acted sometimes has really been pretty U-G-L-Y, maybe that's rubbed off on me?? (oh gosh... i hope not!!)

Anyway, totally getting off subject! I know what your thinking..Jessica, you're not ugly, ur beautiful... WHATEVA..but you can tell me that a million times and it still won't mean a thing. The cutest guy down street could say it and it would mean nothing, WILL SMITH could say, Jessica you are beautiful. NOTHING...Okay that's a lie, it would definitely mean somnething it WILL SMITH said i was beautiful, but a week would past and those words would drift away from head, so don't waste your breath, because until i believe it, there's no point! I don't believe lies!