Impromtu Thoughts

I'm finally 18...How long have I waited to say that?! About eighteen years. One would think that I'd be overwhelmed with joy. Au Contraire. With age comes responsibilty and independence. I sit here looking out the window as snow continues to fall, attaching itself to mounds of which already visible on the street, I can't help thinking that life as I once knew it will soon end and a whole new and unexpected life will unravel. With every descending snowflake is another thought as to what's next. Thoughts I've never really taken the time to consider until now.

Within a couple of months, (Lord willing) I, Jessica T. Carter, will be walking down the isle receiving my high school diploma. Though, it's an image most seniors at this stage would rejoice about, I find myself, more or less, fearful as to what will follow such an event. No doubt, I'll go to college, and then hopefully medical school, all while growing in the Lord more and more each day. I've always told myself that if and when I get my doctorate in medicine, that I would travel to third world countries such as those in Africa deal with both the spiritual as well as the medical aspects of there lives and well-beings. It's no secret that I want help people. But it never occurred to me taht in order to help others I have to first help myself. Matthew 6: 22 reads, The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. As cliche as it may sound (my epiphany that is, not the verse) I found myself literally elaborating on it for hours.

I laid in bed last night, even though I knew very well I should be atlease attempting to fall asleep seeing as I have a tendency to be a monster in the mornings. Instead, I just laid there. I thought , I prayed, I talked to the Lord. I find a priviledge to be able to call on him when I need him. Even if he doesn't answer me right away, I know he's listening. The bible says in the book of Acts, [not sure which verse] I am paraphrasing, but it says, "Hold not thy peace, for I am with thee and no man shall hurt thee". At any rate, I laid there and I asked God, "What's next?"

Today I received a letter from my mother in honor of my birthday. Some parents send money, some cards, mine wrote me a letter. In that letter, she sent her birthday wishes and she reminisced of my birth and my early years. Very typical of her, she loves to recall memories. My whole life, I never knew my birth father. The only father I had was my grandfather. Now being 18, she requested that I find the truth to my life as well as my other half. Indeed, not knowing has bothered me in the past, but I cant help but think that the truth has already been revealed to me.