Following My Gut

I was lying in bed one night--another restless night, much like tonight, might I add. I was just thinking about my life and my past and my life and all of the incredibly stupid mistakes that I've made in the past eighteen years. With it being pitch black and quiet as I dont know what, what else can you do but think. I was trying to imagine how different my life would have turned out if I had made one different choice.

I pictured myself back in the eighth grade after recently recieving information regarding a program called the magnet program that had recently been started. It was--and still is--a program where kids can go to different schools that would emphasize or specialize in the different career pathways. There was school or technology and engineering, a school for fine arts, a school for law and business, and last but not least a school for medicine. Well naturally, I was torn between two schools. Clay High School to fulfill my passion of music or Washington High School to fulfill my dream of being a doctor.

Who knew that a decision as small as choosing which high school to attend would carry so much baggage with it. Washington was of course the school everyone expected me to go to. It was where my family went to--excluding a small portion which attended LaSalle when it was still a high school. It was basically expected of me to take up the roots of being a panther. I'd mention the mere possibility of going to Clay and suddenly, the church got quiet! [theoretically speaking, that is]. My heart and my gut were literally yelling at me to go to Clay, but in my mind I knew Washington was the smarter choice. In the end, I went with my mind and I became a panther. To this day, there are times where I regret that choice.

The medical magnet program at Washington is great. Despite what people may say about it. Honestly if it wasnt for that program WHS would have the worse reputation--though it's still a pretty bad rep regardless of how great the magnet program was going. If I hadn't have gone to Washington, I wouldnt have been given the opportunities regarding medicine. I would have met some of the great people that I now know. I wouldn't have gotten the chance to see all that I have seen or experience all that I have. However I feel as though I've been held back musically because of which.

I still don't know which one was the "right" choice to make. I feel like it's a struggle that I'll have to deal with for a long time. Do I really have to choose science over music and performance in order to be a doctor? This summer, I have felt like I did back in middle school in trying to choose a major. I followed my mind back then and it led me to this. The eternal struggle between what I need to do and what I want to do. Or between what my passion and a dream? I went with my head back then, it was not the best decision, so now I choose to follow my gut.