I Did It My Way but If I Could Do It Again...

I spent the entire week running around trying to find a way, anyway, to move on from the slump I again found myself in with school. I failed before. I got lucky, because the one lady I couldn't stand came to my defense allowing me to stay for another semester. But I failed. We all like stats, right? Numbers? Well here's a few. I had a 1.9 GPA. I needed a semester GPA of 4.0 to bring my accumulative GPA up to a 2.0. I've NEVER gotten a 4.0. The highest I've ever gotten was a 3.8. Seems a little far-fetched? Or dare we say, impossible? Yeah, I thought so too, but I said to myself, "I've gotten myself out of WAY worse then  this. I can do this." So I went to work. My semester load consisted of

Music Theory III with Lab
Music History I
Calculus III
Molecular Biology with Lab
Physics with Lab
Piano Proficiency

 I worked my butt off this semester. I can't tell you how many times I was in my professors offices pleading for extra credit and understanding. You can't even fathom how many nights I cried because I got a B on a test instead of an A. Or how many weekends I went crazy because I needed to let loose from being on the edge about my grades. I finished the semester with a 3.84. Sounds great, right? The average college female would have been ecstatic to have finished  the semester with my load of classes with that high of a GPA. But me? It wasn't good enough. 3.8 is not 4.0 and I was ONCE AGAIN up for dismissal. This time I didn't have ammo to fight it. Numbers don't lie.

I went on Christmas break knowing, once again that I was under the wire. I knew deep down that there was no way I'd be able to go back for another semester on probation. The day I finished my last final, I went to visit a friend whom invited me along to see THE HOBBIT which had just premiered in theaters (Sorry HP fans, my heart belongs to LOTR). At  the end of the night, right before we were set to bid our goodbyes, I told him that I might not be able to come back next semester. He gave me this look of despair that made my heart stop. I didn't have to explain for he already knew. And he hugged me extra tight that night. The next day, I set home ready to face reality.